SGL Notes - vol. XV

SGL Notes - vol. XV

September 3, 2004

Solid Ground Learning Notes – vol. XV

Hi everyone,

As many of you do know, my family does respite care for
other families with children with special needs. It is
something that we choose to do as opposed to a decision
that was made for us.

This evening I received a story from the mother of one of
these children. She said that the following words express
so well what it is like to be the mother of a special needs
child.

Upon reading it I was struck that it is not only
appropriate for parents of children with special needs, but
for everyone who has found themselves in a situation that
they weren’t prepared for such as a physical illness or
disability, a marriage breakdown, forced retirement, or an
imposed career change.

Please take a moment and reflect upon the words of Emily
Perl Kinsley, from her work, “Welcome to Holland”.

“I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a
child with special needs – to try to help people who have
not shared that unique experience to understand it, to
imagine how it would feel.

It’s like this . . . When you’re going to have a baby; it’s
like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy
a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The
Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice.

You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very
exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day
finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go.
Several hours later the plane lands.

The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland”.
“Holland?!?,” you say. “What do you mean Holland??? I
signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my
life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there’s been a
change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and
there you must stay. The important thing is that they
haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place,
full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a
different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must
learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new
group of people you would never have met. It’s just a
different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy
that Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and
you catch your breath, you look around . . . and you begin
to notice that Holland has windmills . . . and Holland has
tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy .
. . and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time
they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will
say ‘Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I
had planned.” And the pain of that will never, ever, ever,
ever go away . . . because the loss of that dream is a
very, very significant loss. But . . . if you spend your
life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you
may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very
lovely things . . . about Holland.”

All the best to you and yours,

Jennifer Sackley
SOI Practitioner
Solid Ground Learning
solid.ground@shaw.ca
www.solidgroundlearning.com
1 604 819 0834